If you had asked me three or four years ago where I thought I would be today, my answer would be VERY different from where I currently am.
For starters, I wouldn't be in Utah. I'd already have a baby, and maybe another on the way. My clothing line would be up and running. I'd have hundreds of amazing people reading this blog. The brand and business I've dreamed of for years would be up and running. My little doTERRA business would be a huge success. I'd be living the abundant life- no financial worries or cares. And, I certainly wouldn't have spent the last three years trying to figure out the mental and emotional mess that's been me.
But, I guess even fairytales have some not so great parts- witches trying to eat you, evil step mothers making your life miserable, curses or spells gone wrongs and ogres. You can't forget the ogres.
The things with the princesses and heroines though, is they just kind of buckle down and bear it. They work through it, or in Cinderella's case she accepts it and doesn't let it ruin her. I was feeling pretty down about it. Until recently that is.
A few weeks ago I was chatting with a friend who pointed out that big dreams just didn't seem to be happening. Don't worry, she was doing it from a place of love. No offense was meant, OR taken. And let's be real, this wasn't news to me. It's something that crosses my mind all too often.
But, having someone else say it to me got me thinking.
Lately, I've been trying to 'rebrand' myself. For personal reasons. I like to have each aspect of my life in a separate folder. Tidy, easy to access, and very separate. I've finally come to the conclusion that it's not working for me. Not one bit. I believe we each have something we are suppose to do while on this earth- a mission, life calling or whatever you want to call it. Because I like to have every aspect of my life divided up it's been very hard to live true to what I believe my purpose is. It just makes everything harder. And it takes away all my genuine-ity and authenticity. It's also exhausting.
So, I've been trying to clump it all together. doTERRA doesn't need to be completely different than what this blog is suppose to be all about. My blog can support my clothing line. What my clothing line stands for can be exactly what the podcast I want to start does too. I'm trying to make it a whole body, instead of just parts.
And part of this personal rebrand has been getting spiritual again. My personal phone line with God has had a pretty spotty connection lately. And, while I've been fine, it hasn't been great. I'm realigning my will with His, doing the little things He asks me, and really trying to put forward and effort to be more connected an in tune. Then, when I need help or guidance, I can ask, and I know I will receive the help I need, to get what I've been sent here to do, done. It's been empowering, and really fun.
And now, with that side story, we can get back to the real story this post is suppose to be about.
So, as I was thinking I had a new thought. A thought I probably wouldn't have had if I hadn't been working on my personal rebrand and realignment. Maybe it's ok that none of my big dreams or plans had happened yet. And maybe there was a reason- a BIG reason.
For the last little bit...ok, if I'm being honest, for the last three years, I've been kind of slow to put my trust back in God. Five years ago, this month, I went on a mission for my church (The church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints). I had no intention of ever going. I didn't believe it was for me. It didn't fit into my life plan, and would get in the way of some very big aspirations I had (aka: being a Princess at the happiest place on earth). To make a long story short, I felt very strongly that I needed to go, I went, it didn't go at all as planned, and I came back hurt, a little broken, and very upset that Heavenly Father would have let this happen. I had no desire to trust Him. Who knew what else He might invite me to do!?
So, since getting home three years ago, I've done everything in my power to avoid having a real relationship with Him again. I've also been trying everything in my power to get my clothing line and everything else up and going. As you read at the beginning of this post, I haven't been having much luck in that department. And, I think it's because I'm not suppose to do it without the Big Guy upstairs. He wants to be a part of our lives, and He wants to be a part of mine.
I need Him to be a part of this. A BIG part.
Maybe I could have gotten something up and going, maybe this blog could've been bigger by now. Maybe there could be hundreds in my little essential oil tribe. But I don't think any of it would have been running the way it was suppose to. It wouldn't have been in line with my purpose, and so, it really wouldn't be serving anyone, especially me.
The BIG reason nothing has happened yet is because, all on my own, I would've made a BIG mess of things.
My life hasn't been going according to plan because I can't do it on my own. It's probably a lesson I'm going to have to learn over, and over, and over again. But, maybe not. And if not, I'm thinking in the very near future, or maybe not (our time table tends to be a little different than Heavenly Father's) everything is going to work out. And it'll be in the right way, and at the right time, affecting the right people. And that makes the fact that nothing has really happened yet totally ok.
I'm finally right where I need to be. And now I can really get to work.
The scarf is an old one from Banana Republic